you, me

The first week of college at C of C is over and done with. I've already had tons of homework assigned and I've already been assigned my first paper. None of my classes appear at all difficult at this point in time. My math class is a joke, I've already been taught the material, but it's a good refresher course for me. Unlike the other classes and the college itself, my math class is mostly guys (thank God!) and the majority of the specimens are hot. Delicious! Art History is going to be my hardest class only because I have to read so much and my classes last 3 hours long (it's a once a week class). My Acting class is hilarious and fun and I adore my teacher. Biology is going to be the class that is going to be that class you don't mind going to but you wouldn't go if you didn't have to. No idea about Lab yet since I haven't gone yet. My favorite class is French 313 right now (it's so damn easy) and most of my friends that I've made are in that class. I was getting really worried that because I live off-campus that I wasn't going to make any friends, but yesterday serendipity took pity on me and my French professor didn't show up. At all. So I met some very nice people (Joseph, Krystof, Eric, Anne-Marie, etc.) We went out to lunch afterward and now we've all got each other's numbers, etc.

Charleston is an anomaly-- it's been raining for 2 days and during the torrential downpours it's freezing! Then the sun will come out and it'll be hotter than Florida! Apparently August and September are months filled with rain. So guess what? I ordered these really cute rainboots from Target.com and they're arriving today!

Tomorrow at 2:00 pm I audition for 2 plays here at Charleston, "Arms and the Man" by George Bernard Shaw and "Wedding Band: a love/hate story in black and white" by Alice Childress. I'm excited but apparently the competition is stiff since there are waaay more girls auditioning than guys. I'm auditioning with a dramatic monologue and a comedic one. Both I haven't memorized yet, not much has changed since high school in that respect.

I haven't written in this thing in EONS. I'm truculently bored, so I'll send some of my anxiety into cyber space!

You can find anyone on Facebook. I friended two of my friends from my elementary days in North Carolina, Jennifer Henkle and Hannah Yerby. It really is a small world, eh?

My trip up to Charleston was great. I'm going to be attending the Spoleto Festival every year from now on. The highlight of the trip was seeing "Tristan y Isolde" I've only called one another 'un-professional' performance I've ever seen in my life amazing, which was the Miser I saw performed this past April in Tampa, but this play was amazing. It resonated. I loved it.

I had so much fun with James in North Carolina-- I attempted to water ski and was extremely unsuccessful. I couldn't keep my legs closed. If you're about to make a snide sexual comment, save it I've already heard enough from James and my mom. I will cherish the events on that trip so much, and I'm going to miss him so much next year. Sigh. I hate feeling this way about my best friend.

The other night I got tipsy off of 2 mojitos and I confused hurling with curling. I've never slept better. I plan on doing it again soon :)

Rachel leaves for FSU orientation this Wednesday with Taylor. She needs to get out of town, get away from high school but Friday night me and Liz are going to ran-sack her. :)

I <3 Curel!

I love "In the Shadows" by the Rasmus. I want to go clubbing.

I've lost 10 lbs. I'm a running maniac. It keeps me from being panicky about you know who...

I LOVE ROB! HE'S AWESOME (and apparently so is Ricky?) :-P

Don't judge me on the music I have playing-- it just feeds the mood I'm in *wink*

I don't like waking up early, especially during the summer, but this morning I woke up at 8:00 am so I could run downstairs to check my housing assignment on the College of Charleston website. I don't have an assignment, so I e-mail the registrar and she says I'm on the wait-list for a dorm because I didn't turn everything in by April 1st (heh, well I thought I was going to Rhodes and that went South, as everyone knows) so she advises me to come up with a "back up plan" and what she means by back up plan, is get an apartment, because they are "extremely full" this year. I'm upset. I don't want to live in an apartment! Dorm life is an integral part of the whole college experience and I don't want to live off campus. What the FUCK.

I've finished LOST season 1 in about 3 days. Season 2 doesn't come out until October 2nd. WHAT THE HELL!?

The new Dixie Chicks CD isn't country, it's rock with bluegrass, jazz and some real country influences. The lyrics are amazing.

I just thought I'd let you all know that I feel like I raped that French exam. I feel really confident about it-- almost confident enough to say that I got a 5. I'll say I got a 4 to be safe lol.

The good news is I just looked at my AP Credits for the College of Charleston, here's the breakdown:

1. I'll be skipping English 101 and 102 regardless of how I do on the exam I take on Thursday.
2. I've fufilled a major/minor 200 level requirement for science
3. If I get a 5 on the French exam I've completed French 202 & 313
4. If I get a 3 on the AP European exam, I'll have completed History 102 & 103 or Honors History 113.

pretty much, that's a lot of credits. I'll be a sophomore english student, a junior french student, a sophomore history student, and some kind of science student. i've done good work. i've been a good human.

If you were with me yesterday (at any point during the day) you would've experienced the bitchy and fulgurative side of me and I want to explain and apologize for a variety of things.

First of all, I was/am sick. Relay For Life gave me a cold of some kind, and last night after dinner at Clay's house I vomited a tremendous amount. My mother thought it was amusing and took photos. Today I'm worse, I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat from fever (I'm guessing) and currently I am sipping broth and trying to keep my voice from disappearing completely because I've got my AP French 5 Exam tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure resting today will be helpful.

Aside from being sickly yesterday, I am an emotional wreck. Lebhar (and accordng to Lebhar, Mr. Valentine as well) called it-- I'm distancing myself from everyone I love, this is how I'm choosing to deal with the impending separation from all of my close friends. If I've been bitchy/mean/moody lately (which I have been, most definitely and I'm sorry) this is why. Even now a lump is gathering in my throat (yes, I can tell the difference between mucus and my emotions) and immediately I swallow it away and push it down because I don't want to feel it, I don't want to feel ANY of it. Lately I've been saying "Don't touch me" or something to that effect (on top of being such an ornery moody little child) ,and it's because feeling you (you as in reference to any of my close friends) here with me is so incredibly precious to me that it's torture. All I can think about is separation, how days from now the people I care about so terribly terribly terribly deeply will leave, as will I, and everything will change. Don't misunderstand me, I am not afraid of change, I am afraid of loss. I am afraid of losing the precious, tender, beautiful intimacy I share with my friends. In short, I am terribly terribly terribly afraid. I am afraid of losing you. I am afraid that I have made such a grave error in going to the College of Charleston because in my mind I should be excited and I'm not. I believe this is all so difficult because I rely on my friends-- sometimes vocally, sometimes silently, but always I'm trusting you that it will all be alright. I have no certainty now. You will all be gone in a matter of weeks, and it hurts. What hurts most is that I can see it coming, which is why I'm so mean. I have to make you leave me because I could never leave you. Don't believe me when I tell you I'm fine. I'm not, and I already miss you.

I'm sure you think I'm completely out of it, but I'm not. This is how I think, this is how I am feeling. I'm snot nosed and runny eyed but at least I got part of it out there, at least you know now, I love you so much I have to begin the separation process now. It hurts. It hurts so much. I can't wax poetical for you, but I can cry.

On a happier note, I found this -- and it sort of excited me about Charleston.

this is pretty true:

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

Prom... eh.

If and when I have children I'm sure what I want to name them will change, but right now I like:

For Boys:

Aiden, Avian, Ethan, Atticus, Clive, Danton

For Girls:

Heidi, Elaine, Bailey, Ava

So, I'm upset, and this probably won't be the last time you hear about this. I'm screaming my head off and no one is hearing me scream. Ok, so I'm subtley screaming (however that works...) and I'm upset. I'm upset. That's all I can say. I got into my REACH school and I'm going to my SAFETY. I hate Memphis for being Memphis and Rhodes for being not the dream school. I'm disappointed in myself for not looking at more schools and for not visiting more schools and for waiting until the end to do far too many things. I feel like Charleston isn't going to give me jack shit except a great social life, and I want more than that. I feel like I'm settling because I've nothing else, I've nowhere else to go. I want to cry everytime people bring up college, I want to make myself, force myself to go where it's best for me academically, to force myself to go to Rhodes because it seems like it should be where I belong. Instead I'm going elsewhere, where I'm not sure I belong but where everyone else thinks I do.

I have 29 days left of this life, and I feel like I have millions of unsaid words and unprofaned feelings. I'm scared to utter a whisper of emotion or to feel a word escape the tip of my tongue because of how it may affect a friendship.

Oh yeah, prom is tomorrow.

You Are a Black and White Cookie

You're often conflicted in life, and you feel pulled in two opposite directions. When you're good, you're sweet as sugar. And when you're bad, you're wicked!

I thought this was appropriate:

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"I dunno, press the button and find out."

I'm so burned. Crazy burned. Crazy in love. Crazy in love with warm air. Crazy. The eagle has landed.


(getting lucky, you mean???)

You Are a Fortune Cookie

You're a rather normal person, except that you have extraordinary luck in life. People want to be around you (even when they're a little sick of you), in hopes of being lucky too!

Stability vs. Fun?

I haven't updated in a long time, so I'll start off with some boring news. I got wait listed at Furman. I got into Rhodes and Rollins. I don't think I'm going to go to College of Charleston. Charleston is a great social fit, but I need to go somewhere where there's a great theatre program (just in case) and I need to go where the academics will continue to challenge me. No need to waste all the money my mom has spent on education, right?

So, today is the last day of Spring Break. Graduation is quickly approaching, and now that it's a reality I'm trying to dig my heels into time, willing life to slow down. I'll let you know when it actually works. I've cried so much about the past, present and future lately that everything is a puddle of mixed emotions. Better now than at graduation, gotta look pretty in those photos! 6 months ago, I wanted to be a Catholic, now I don't even know what I really believe in. Life is a continuous spiral of (hopefully) overlapping experiences, and I keep getting hit with epiphany after epiphany.

The trip up to Cashiers in North Carolina with James and Rachel was full of love, fun, the RENT soundtrack, "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel and "Idiot Boyfriend" by Jimmy Fallon. God how I love James and god how I love Rachel (especially when she wears my sweater and refuses to take it off... love you girl!) One day, while I was up there I got extremely sad, because it hit me how much I care for all of these people. Senior goodbyes = Annabel is going to be a friggin' puddle.

Casey's "fiesta" was interesting, his friends ran into my car. Bitches! At least they didn't scratch or dent it. Hookah at Elizabeth Salerno's tasted like mint, apple, milk and sickness. Still fun even though the night was FREEEEZING.

My basketball skills have ameliorated.

It's over, and it feels like a part of me has died. I need a mourning period. I'm so tired, and I'm pretty sure I won't be at school tomorrow.

My high school acting career is over. What am I going to do with all of my free time??

Looking forward to summer and spring break!

As I said before, there are a few things that I want to do before I graduate, the ones I mentioned already are:

1. Go swimming in the fountain in Ballis Park in San Marco
2. Have a pie fight
3. Write the goodbye letters
4. Take a random road trip
5. Spend one afternoon laying in a float in a pool the whole time... listening to music
6. Go skinny dipping!
7. Play a huge game of truth or dare (with no chickens)
8. Have a picnic
9. Have a party down at Poncey

the next ones I came up with today...

10. Watch a sunrise
11. Film a fake fight (a la Liz W. and Ryan G. for "Rumors")
12. Play hide and seek in the Munnerlyn (at night preferably)
13. Crash a wedding
14. Write an anonymous love letter to someone (or more than one someone...)
15. Read a book on art history
16. Go kayaking
17. Go tubing
18. Sleep under the stars
19. Have a tea party
20. Go to a photobooth with every one of my good friends (I love those kind of photos!)
21. Pull a "Ya-Ya Sisterhood" and when it gets steaming hot in Florida (which inevitably it will) go driving with the windows down and de-robe.
22. Have a dusk-til-dawn movie night
23. Get a professional massage

please keep adding them! as soon as Romeo & Juliet is over, we've got to do some hella fun things before we graduate! documentation is a MUST.

btw, #6 has already been planned :)

I don't want to leave anymore, I feel I have unfinished business. I have so much I've kept inside about so many people and I want to tell them all how I feel, exactly, perfectly articulate everything. I'm also scared to do so. I wouldn't go to school for another year if you paid me, but I would do anything to NOT miss my beloved's lives next year.

LIST OF THINGS TO DO BEFORE I GRADUATE:

1. Go swimming in the fountain in Ballis Park in San Marco
2. Have a pie fight
3. Write the goodbye letters
4. Take a random road trip
5. Spend one afternoon laying in a float in a pool the whole time... listening to music
6. Go skinny dipping!
7. Play a huge game of truth or dare (with no chickens)
8. Have a picnic
9. Have a party down at Poncey

(ANY SUGGESTIONS!?! ANYONE WITH ME??)

I don't know what to say but I know what I feel. What do I want? I don't even know anymore.

I tried to write some of my 'goodbye' letters tonight. They all failed miserably. If you cry harder on one more than the others, does that mean that person means more to you?

I don't want to say goodbye, but it's inevitable, which is why i'm trying to get these letters done. i dont want to be stuck scrambling to express my gratitude and love at the last minute. I want heartfelt letters for my heartfelt friends.


goodbye is far too close

So... if you be not a part of a couple, come and crush on no one at my house! Right after Romeo and Juliet practice, we'll be eating scrumptious food and watching a movie (depending on how late we go...) but the point is, don't be lonely on Valentine's Day!

So, life in general is... boring. I have mediocre grades, no love life and I really don't like anyone. Ok the last part is a lie (c'mon you know me) but really, life is so not exciting. I need some excitement, and I guess I'll have to create some for myself, eh? *eyebrow raise* I need to formulate a splendid plan to get something going! Not that RJ isn't absolutely fabulous, it is! But I need some personal excitement! If you need this to be decoded, I need to be 'rash, boisterous and bold' *wink* and go for the gold! By the way, anyone been watching the olympics? 'Cause I sure haven't!

Grey's Anatomy made me CRY last night. I know I've said this recently, but it bears repeating. What would you do if the world was about to end? What have you left undone? What words have you left unspoken? With whom do you have unfinished business? Life is too crazy, short, beautiful and sacred to leave things undone.

Off to get poked (with needles, by the acupuncturist!)

I'm angry. I'm stupid. I'm jealous. I'm out of cash. I'm sick of school. I'm too noble. I'm clueless. I'm idiotic. I'm ignorant. I'm blind. I'm emotional. I'm effusive. I'm duplicitous. I'm scheming. I'm boycotting Valentine's Day.

Hi My Name is Annabel.

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

I abhor sickness, I absolutely detest it. I feel so immobile and antsy. It also gives me far far far too much time to think. I hate the question, "What would you do if you only had one day left?" because it's happening, except I only have 102. 102 days until I graduate, that's how long I have with people who have come to matter as much to me as my family does. Just 102 days. I guess, however, it's fortunate that there's only (really) one landmark thing I want to do, just one thing, and I feel torn between WHEN I'm going to do it. Do I do it before Romeo and Juliet or after? This could have reprocussions, but if I don't tell then I'll feel incomplete. Why leave high school with regret from those things left undone or unsaid?

I liked this :

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Romeo + Juliet

"Has my heart loved 'till now? Forswear it, sight! For I never saw a true beauty 'till this night."